Critiquing: 096 — Questions on Marriage: Help…I’ve Become a Christian but My Partner Isn’t Interested in Getting Married

December 16, 2021 | Ask NT Wright Anything – Premier

Christianity and Marriage — Relationship Dynamics — Pastoral Guidance — Faith Divergence — Emotional Compatibility

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Episode Assessment:

		Commentary
Degree of Accuracy	B-	The episode presents a generally accurate interpretation of Christian doctrines, particularly in relation to marriage and pastoral care. However, the accuracy is somewhat compromised by the subjective nature of some advice, particularly when discussing complex issues like common-law marriages. These interpretations could be contested by other denominations or theological perspectives.
Degree of Coherence	C+	The logical coherence of the episode is adequate but not robust. The discussion occasionally jumps between topics without clear transitions, leading to a somewhat fragmented narrative. Furthermore, the emotional tone sometimes overshadows logical analysis, which can undermine the coherence of the argumentation, especially when addressing the deeply personal and emotional issues faced by the audience.
Absence of Fallacies	C	The episode contains instances of logical fallacies, particularly appeals to emotion and hasty generalizations. For example, the assertion that common-law marriages might be seen as valid in God’s eyes lacks a clear, logical basis and instead relies on emotional reasoning. Additionally, some conclusions are drawn from limited anecdotal evidence rather than comprehensive theological or scriptural analysis.
Degree of Evidence	D+	The episode relies heavily on anecdotal evidence and personal interpretation rather than rigorous scriptural or empirical evidence. This lack of robust evidence is particularly evident in discussions about the validity of common-law marriages and the handling of faith divergence within a marriage. The absence of detailed scriptural references or theological analysis weakens the authority of the claims made.
Degree of Testability	D	The advice and conclusions provided are largely subjective and difficult to test or verify in a rigorous manner. The discussion of marriage dynamics and faith-related issues is deeply personal and context-specific, making it challenging to apply universally or to assess the effectiveness of the advice given. This lack of testability undermines the overall reliability of the recommendations provided in the episode.
Rational Confidence	C-	The confidence with which advice is given does not consistently align with the strength of the supporting evidence. There are instances where strong recommendations are made based on limited or anecdotal evidence, leading to an overconfidence in the advice provided. This mismatch between evidence and confidence can potentially mislead listeners, especially in complex pastoral situations where nuanced guidance is required.

Potential/Apparent Weaknesses:

1. Degree of Evidence

The episode lacks substantial scriptural and empirical evidence to back up its claims, particularly when addressing nuanced issues like common-law marriages and faith divergence within a relationship. For instance, the assertion, “there is a reality which is part of God’s creation where two people have come together,” is presented without adequate scriptural support or theological reasoning. The speaker’s reliance on personal conviction rather than a robust exegesis of relevant biblical texts weakens the overall argument, as it leaves listeners without a clear biblical foundation for such claims. To strengthen this aspect, the discussion could have been enhanced by referencing specific scriptural passages or theological works that address the nature of marriage, the concept of covenant, and the role of faith in marital relationships.

2. Absence of Fallacies

The episode is characterized by several logical fallacies, most notably appeals to emotion and hasty generalizations. An example of this is the statement, “My heart goes out to this person and indeed to the man involved,” which, while empathetic, shifts the focus from logical reasoning to emotional empathy. This approach, while pastorally sensitive, does not contribute to a logically sound argument. Additionally, the suggestion that emotional compatibility is essential in modern marriages relies on a hasty generalization, as it assumes that what applies in one cultural context (e.g., Western, modern societies) is universally applicable, without considering the diverse cultural and historical contexts in which marriages have thrived despite differing emotional and intellectual compatibilities.

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Formulations of Major Arguments

Argument 1: Christianity and Marriage

1. Premise 1: Marriage is a fundamental institution valued within Christian teachings.
2. Premise 2: Many modern churches may unintentionally idolize marriage as the pinnacle of mature adulthood.
3. Premise 3: The idolization of marriage can lead to the marginalization of single individuals within the church community, as they may be excluded from leadership roles or social circles.
4. Conclusion: The church should find ways to better embrace all believers, including single individuals, to avoid the unintended consequences of idolizing marriage.

Counter-Argument: While marriage is indeed a significant institution within Christian teachings, the claim that churches idolize marriage at the expense of singles may be an overgeneralization. The Christian church’s emphasis on marriage stems from its biblical foundations, such as the creation narrative in Genesis and the apostolic teachings on marriage and family life. The assertion that this emphasis leads to the marginalization of single individuals does not necessarily follow, as many churches actively support and include single members in leadership roles and community activities. Furthermore, Paul’s teachings in 1 Corinthians 7 highlight the value of singleness, suggesting that a well-rounded understanding of Christian teachings recognizes the importance of both marriage and singleness. The argument could be improved by considering the diverse ways in which churches approach these issues and acknowledging the efforts made to include and support single individuals.

Argument 2: Faith Divergence in Marriage

1. Premise 1: Faith divergence between spouses can lead to significant relational challenges, as differing beliefs and values may create tension and conflict.
2. Premise 2: Emotional and intellectual compatibility are increasingly valued in modern marriages, as these qualities are seen as essential for mutual understanding and relational stability.
3. Premise 3: The absence of shared faith and values can undermine the stability and fulfillment of a marriage, leading to feelings of isolation or resentment.
4. Conclusion: Couples experiencing faith divergence should strive for honest and gentle communication, seek common ground, and explore shared interests to navigate their differences and maintain relational harmony.

Counter-Argument: The emphasis on emotional and intellectual compatibility as a modern necessity in marriage reflects contemporary cultural values, but it may not be universally applicable. Historically, marriages often succeeded despite differences in faith, intellect, or emotional disposition, suggesting that other factors—such as mutual respect, shared responsibilities, and a commitment to the marital covenant—may be more critical in sustaining a healthy marriage. The assumption that shared faith is essential for marital stability overlooks the possibility that couples can thrive by embracing their differences and developing new ways of relating to one another. For instance, engaging in joint activities or projects that are outside their comfort zones can foster growth and mutual understanding, even in the absence of shared beliefs. Additionally, the counter-argument could explore the role of external support systems, such as pastoral counseling or community engagement, in helping couples navigate faith divergence without necessarily requiring complete compatibility.

◉ Ad Hoc Dispositions toward Marriage:

The Scriptural Contradictions and Inconsistencies on Marriage

Christianity claims that the Bible is the ultimate guide to morality and life, yet when it comes to marriage—a foundational institution—there is no shortage of diverse and conflicting positions among Christians. Each denomination, pastor, and theologian insists that their interpretation of marriage is the true one, reflecting God’s will. This cacophony of opinions raises a critical question: if the Bible cannot provide clear and consistent guidance on something as fundamental as marriage, how can it be considered the work of a divine being? The conflicting scriptural interpretations seem to indicate that the Bible is more a product of human authorship than the infallible word of a supreme deity.

One of the most glaring examples of scriptural inconsistency on marriage is found in the Apostle Paul’s letters. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Paul writes, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” This passage suggests that marriage is a concession to human weakness rather than an ideal state. Paul implies that celibacy is preferable, but marriage is an acceptable alternative for those who cannot manage their sexual desires. This perspective is starkly different from the often-celebrated view of marriage as a sacred covenant, central to Christian life.

Contrast this with Genesis 2:24, which states, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This verse has been interpreted to underscore the sanctity and divine origin of marriage, often cited in Christian weddings to emphasize that marriage is a God-ordained union. However, this idealized view of marriage is at odds with Paul’s suggestion that marriage is merely a remedy for uncontrollable passions, rather than a sacred institution to be pursued by all believers.

Further complicating the issue, we find Jesus’s teaching in Matthew 19:9, where he says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Here, Jesus appears to present a strict, almost unforgiving stance on divorce, implying that marriage is an indissoluble bond—except in cases of sexual immorality. Yet, this rigidity contrasts sharply with Paul’s pragmatic approach, which acknowledges the realities of human passion and weakness.

Moreover, the Old Testament presents an even more varied picture of marriage. For instance, in Deuteronomy 21:15-17, polygamy is addressed without condemnation: “If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons…he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love.” This passage, rather than prohibiting polygamy, simply regulates it, suggesting that at least in some contexts, polygamy was an accepted practice among God’s people.

Then there is Ephesians 5:22-24, which commands, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” This passage has been used to justify hierarchical and patriarchal views of marriage, where the husband is seen as the authoritative head of the household. Such a view stands in stark contrast to modern notions of equality and partnership within marriage, and it is increasingly challenged by many contemporary Christians who seek to reinterpret these verses in the light of egalitarian principles.

These examples highlight the diverse and often contradictory positions that Christians derive from the Bible regarding marriage. Some see marriage as a sacred, indissoluble covenant; others view it as a pragmatic solution to human weakness. Some uphold monogamy as the biblical standard, while others find scriptural justification for polygamy. Some advocate for hierarchical marriage roles, while others push for equality between spouses.

If the Bible were truly the work of an all-knowing, all-powerful deity, one would expect it to provide clear, consistent, and timeless guidance on an issue as critical as marriage. Instead, what we find is a collection of disjointed and sometimes contradictory teachings that reflect the cultural and historical contexts of their human authors rather than the unchanging will of a divine being. The fact that Christians can—and do—use the Bible to support such a wide range of views on marriage strongly suggests that the Bible is not the infallible word of God but rather a man-made document, shaped by the biases, limitations, and circumstances of those who wrote it.

In light of these inconsistencies, the claim that the Bible is the work of a divine being becomes increasingly untenable. Instead, the Bible appears to be a product of human authorship, reflecting the diverse and often conflicting views of the societies that produced it. Far from being a reliable guide for modern life, the Bible’s teachings on marriage reveal it to be a historical artifact—valuable for understanding the past, perhaps, but far from adequate as a source of divine wisdom.

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Warm welcome: If this topic resonates with you or if you have differing views, I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments section below. Let’s engage in a meaningful discussion and explore these issues further.